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11th September 2013: The world's gone mad and I'm the only one who knows
13th August 2013: Black is white. Fact. End of.
11th August 2013: Electric cars, not as green as they're painted?
18th June 2013: Wrinklies unite, you have nothing to lose but your walking frames!
17th May 2013: Some actual FACTS about climate change (for a change) from actual scientists ...
10th May 2013: An article about that poison gas, carbon dioxide, and other scientific facts (not) ...
10th May 2013: We need to see past the sex and look at the crimes: is justice being served?
8th May 2013: So, who would you trust to treat your haemorrhoids, Theresa May?
8th May 2013: Why should citizens in the 21st Century fear the law so much?
30th April 2013: What the GOS says today, the rest of the world realises tomorrow ...
30th April 2013: You couldn't make it up, could you? Luckily you don't need to ...
29th April 2013: a vote for NONE OF THE ABOVE, because THE ABOVE are crap ...
28th April 2013: what goes around, comes around?
19th April 2013: everyone's a victim these days ...
10th April 2013: Thatcher is dead; long live Thatcher!
8th April 2013: Poor people are such a nuisance. Just give them loads of money and they'll go away ...
26th March 2013: Censorship is alive and well and coming for you ...
25th March 2013: Just do your job properly, is that too much to ask?
25th March 2013: So, what do you think caused your heterosexuality?
20th March 2013: Feminists - puritans, hypocrites or just plain stupid?
18th March 2013: How Nazi Germany paved the way for modern governance?
13th March 2013: Time we all grew up and lived in the real world ...
12th March 2013: Hindenburg crash mystery solved? - don't you believe it!
6th March 2013: Is this the real GOS?
5th March 2013: All that's wrong with taxes
25th February 2013: The self-seeking MP who is trying to bring Britain down ...
24th February 2013: Why can't newspapers just tell the truth?
22nd February 2013: Trial by jury - a radical proposal
13th February 2013: A little verse for two very old people ...
6th February 2013: It's not us after all, it's worms
6th February 2013: Now here's a powerful argument FOR gay marriage ...
4th February 2013: There's no such thing as equality because we're not all the same ...
28th January 2013: Global Warming isn't over - IT'S HIDING!
25th January 2013: Global Warmers: mad, bad and dangerous to know ...
25th January 2013: Bullying ego-trippers, not animal lovers ...
19th January 2013: We STILL haven't got our heads straight about gays ...
16th January 2013: Bullying ego-trippers, not animal lovers ...
11th January 2013: What it's like being English ...
7th January 2013: Bleat, bleat, if it saves the life of just one child ...
7th January 2013: How best to put it? 'Up yours, Argentina'?
7th January 2013: Chucking even more of other people's money around ...
6th January 2013: Chucking other people's money around ...
30th December 2012: The BBC is just crap, basically ...
30th December 2012: We mourn the passing of a genuine Grumpy Old Sod ...
30th December 2012: How an official body sets out to ruin Christmas ...
16th December 2012: Why should we pardon Alan Turing when he did nothing wrong?
15th December 2012: When will social workers face up to their REAL responsibility?
15th December 2012: Unfair trading by a firm in Bognor Regis ...
14th December 2012: Now the company that sells your data is pretending to act as watchdog ...
7th December 2012: There's a war between cars and bikes, apparently, and  most of us never noticed!
26th November 2012: The bottom line - social workers are just plain stupid ...
20th November 2012: So, David Eyke was right all along, then?
15th November 2012: MPs don't mind dishing it out, but when it's them in the firing line ...
14th November 2012: The BBC has a policy, it seems, about which truths it wants to tell ...
12th November 2012: Big Brother, coming to a school near you ...
9th November 2012: Yet another celebrity who thinks, like Jimmy Saville, that he can behave just as he likes because he's famous ...
5th November 2012: Whose roads are they, anyway? After all, we paid for them ...
7th May 2012: How politicians could end droughts at a stroke if they chose ...
6th May 2012: The BBC, still determined to keep us in a fog of ignorance ...
2nd May 2012: A sense of proportion lacking?
24th April 2012: Told you so, told you so, told you so ...
15th April 2012: Aah, sweet ickle polar bears in danger, aah ...
15th April 2012: An open letter to Anglian Water ...
30th March 2012: Now they want to cure us if we don't believe their lies ...
28th February 2012: Just how useful is a degree? Not very.
27th February 2012: ... so many ways to die ...
15th February 2012: DO go to Jamaica because you definitely WON'T get murdered with a machete. Ms Fox says so ...
31st January 2012: We don't make anything any more
27th January 2012: There's always a word for it, they say, and if there isn't we'll invent one
26th January 2012: Literary criticism on GOS? How posh!
12th December 2011: Plain speaking by a scientist about the global warming fraud
9th December 2011: Who trusts scientists? Apart from the BBC, of course?
7th December 2011: All in all, not a good week for British justice ...
9th November 2011: Well what d'you know, the law really IS a bit of an ass ...

 

 
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The Home Office has been having a disastrous time lately. There is a widespread belief that they have totally failed to implement the government's policies on immigration, and that they have not the slightest idea how many illegal immigrants there are in the UK, or where they may be found. John Reid's predecessor, Charles Clarke, was sacked over their failure to deport more than 1,000 foreign prisoners when they were released from British jails. Now they've calmly forgotten to add to the police database the details of British murderers, rapists, robbers and paedophiles who have been convicted abroad and subsequently returned to the UK. John Reid has described them as "not fit for purpose" and wants to split them into two separate organisations, although most of us know that the main effect of this will be to double the number of civil servants being paid to polish very expensive chairs.
 
And what's the solution to this problem? Sack the bastards? Put some sort of system in place to force them to get their heads down and get on with the job they're paid to do, instead of having jolly meetings and drinking tea all the time? Take the work away and give it to a commercial contractor who has to get results or not be paid?
 
Well no, none of those.
 
In fact the solution to be adopted is rather different. They're going to advertise.
 
It's reported in the press this weekend (21st January) that Saatchi & Saatchi, the advertising agency that helped win power for Thatcher in 1979 with their "Labour Isn't Working" posters, is to be employed by the Home Office to to put a gloss on immigration and persuade voters that ministers will succeed in strengthening Britain's borders (whether they do or not. Which they won't).
 
A confidential document from the Central Office of Information shows that the agency has been retained to work on a "reassurance message", one of several advertising firms involved in the project. The document says "Recent media coverage - foreign national prisoners, illegal workers - has exposed serious weaknesses in the immigration system and these have further seriously weakened the public's confidence in the government's ability to control immigration." It speaks of "the public's widely-held view that immigration is out of control" and "a hostile media looking for the government to fail" (hmm, I wonder why?).
 
This is tragic, and insulting, and ridiculous - but above all, it's deeply sinister. The failures of the Home Office have caused, are causing and will continue to cause, tragedy. Tragedies like that of Dawn Woodcock, the woman with an American father and British mother, who came here as a baby and lived here ever since, for a total of 42 years, married two British men (presumably not at the same time) and has four British children and 11 British grandchildren. She went back to America to visit her dad, and the immigration authorities wouldn't let her back in (the last information we can find about her is dated January 2006. Does anyone know what happened to her in the end?).
 
Tragedies like the murders by the 18-year-old son of an Angolan asylum seeker, Roberto Malasi, who killed a woman while robbing a christening party, and then went on to stab to death an 18-year-old girl because, he said, she was "disrespecting" him. Tragedies such as the impending forced repatriation of Mark Coleman who is as British as you or me but is being deported on a technicality to Zimbabwe where he has no family, no job and a pretty precarious future - all because he followed the rules, reported to the police station regularly like a good boy, and isn't either black or gay, for we are reliably informed that either of these conditions would substantially improve his case for asylum.
 
It's insulting because it assumes that the British public is that easily fooled. It's ridiculous because the enormous cost of this dishonest exercise could have been spent on improving performance instead of deliberate obfuscation.
 
And it's sinister because of what it means for the future. It means that there exists among politicians and civil servants a mind-set that says "whether we do our job well or not is immaterial. All we have to do is cover our tracks, and tell the public whatever we want them to believe. We're fire-proof, and if we lie convincingly enough, they'll swallow anything".
 
After all the fuss about Big Brother on Channel 4 this week, it's salutary to remind oneself of the other Big Brother, the real Big Brother of George Orwell's 1984, who held the reins of power by the simple expedient of telling enormous porkies and threatening people a lot. Worrying, isn't it, to think that he is alive and well and living not too far from Whitehall?
 

 
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